With the Superbowl now behind us and spring just around the corner, we men begin to become restless in our winter hibernation. We hear the quiet call of our tools beckoning us from the wilds of our workshops and garages. Thoughts of home projects start to fill our minds and soon without warning we are prying the television remotes from our hands and leaving the comfort of our sofas and recliners behind.

Surrounded by our tools we men are indeed home.

A look of pride comes over us as we take in the beauty of our workbenches with hammers and saws hung neatly above. We spy our tool-belts waiting patiently to be fastened around our waists. Our heartbeats quicken as we consider what wondrous things we will build and repair this year. Our chests puff out as we dream of the glory to be had in tackling the most difficult of home projects, bringing them off without a hitch. We ache for the lumber yard and grunt deep and low, imagining the scent of freshly cut wood filling our noses.

Ah yes, spring is coming and with it brings we men, our tools and, inevitably, disaster.

For the women in our lives, a look of fear enters their eyes with our first trip out to the workshop. Thoughts of three-legged tables, twelve story birdhouses, and trips to the emergency room send shivers down their spines. They somehow see us for who and what we really are. Not the Mr. Fix-it we imagine ourselves to be, but rather Mr. Havoc, Mr. Chaos, and Mr. Demolition. If master gardeners have green thumbs, then ours are black and blue.

No matter how awful some of our projects turn out and without regard to our own personal safety, we men simply cannot be dissuaded from our belief that as men we have some inherent ability to make and/or fix just about anything around the house.

All we require is to be left alone with our plans, a very large hammer, several rolls of duct-tape, and a few choice swear words.

I am no exception to this handyman phenomenon and have comprised a creed of sorts as a reference for all weekend handymen everywhere.

The Weekend Handyman's Rules of Disorder:

1. Before beginning any project make certain you have the required tools; one large hammer, two rolls of duct-tape, assorted band-aids, beer.

2. All projects will be meticulously planned.

3. Almost immediately after starting any project, abandon all plans.

4. Every project will include at least one major distraction or deviation which may or may not cause you to forget about the original project - leaving it half finished, and beginning something completely different.

5. All projects will cause personal injury, damage, and/or will result in having to call one or more repairman.

6. No matter what happens, no matter how badly the project turns out or what damage you cause, you will proclaim every project to be a complete success. (This will involve creativity, deception and considerable lying.)

7. Any item made will be prominently displayed where ever your wife seems to object the most.

8. It's never too early in the morning or too late at night to operate noisy equipment.

9. Duct-tape can, and will, fix anything.

10. Remember, electricity is your friend.

11. Have 911 programmed into your phone.

12. Disregard all warning labels of every kind. Example: You can and should use the top rung of a ladder as a step.

13. If it cost you only three times more to build something than what you would pay for the same item in a store, you're not finished.

14. Never ask for help.

15. If someone tries to give you advice, put your fingers in your ears and close your eyes until they get bored and leave.

16. It is possible to haul anything, no matter how big, in or on top of your family compact car.

17. If a project comes with instructions, discard them immediately. If you feel you must read them, ONLY do so after the project is completed.

18. All left over parts and pieces weren't really required and should be hidden and forgotten.

19. There's no such thing as too much glue.

20. If you don't have the right tool, try a hammer. If that doesn't work, get a bigger hammer.

So go forth weekend handymen and rejoice. For our time to build and repair is near. Never mind our wives' objections, forget common sense and our own limitations. Home projects and repairs await us. Grab your hammer and duct-tape, make sure your health insurance is paid up to date, and have at it. We are men, hear us grunt.

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About The Author:

Passing Thoughts is a syndicated column published on quality web sites, in electronic magazines and various print media around the world - read by millions each week. You can get Passing Thoughts FREE each week by email - subscribe at http://www.taddgroup.com For reprint information or to contact the author write to twwinslow@taddgroup.com

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T.W. Winslow is a syndicated columnist living in the Pacific Northwest - USA. His Passing Thoughts column is carried on numerous web sites, in electronic magazines and various print media around the world - read by millions each week. Get Passing Thoughts free in your e-mailbox weekly - go to http://www.taddgroup.com

T.W. Winslow is co-owner of TADD Publishing Group, which offers a variety of free, quality newsletters - http://www.taddgroup.com

He is also the creator of The Mystic Beagle - a romance and advice web site - http://www.mysticbeagle.com